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nowhere

by disassociate me

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1.
Phantasy 04:02
singled out i found my life winding down into an anti climactic cough my drug use was it me who was abused you said you get it it must be rough the drawings on my hands the billowing flames lit up the sand you said we will stay in touch but fantasy watches over me fantasy washes over me fantasy has buried my body fantasy notebooks astray filled with empty angry days we'll save it for another day wasting hours is what gives us power lock your feelings into a cage it's something i can't take said your memoirs filled with hate but i don't think i'll turn the page fantasy has washes over me fantasy has destroyed me fantasy has ended me fantasy has buried my body fantasy
2.
city blend 05:31
I've been waiting hours just for the light to break on through so i can pass out on the ground for a year or 2 I'll meet you on the parking ramp so you can say what you wanted to say but i hope you realize that it'll all just fade away we're the best around we're the best you've got and we'll still be here even when you've moved on they call us city blend i am starting to feel like death cause i've been awake for a week my eyes are red and my throat is numb and i can barely speak fixated on the tv screen my brain's about to crack the longer you've been down this road the harder it is to turn back we're the best around we're the best you got and we'll still be here even when you've moved on they call us city blend all i want's a big house some wine and some cigarettes but i guess this overpass is as good as it's gonna get cause who wants anything when nothing is right here all your pain and all your joy fades to nothing left to fear we're the best around we're the best you've got and we'll still be here even when you've moved on they call us city blend
3.
13 04:09
everyone's a no one in yr head everyone in your heart is already dead unparalled unhappiness if you can't save them then you can't save this i guess it's okay and i guess it's alright she said it's okay so i guess i just might move on slowly into the night and lay down and hope that death hits me right disgusting mobs with no end no parallels and no friends at some point you're gonna have to face you're pain cause prayer won't jumpstart life again I hit your mouth and i kiss your neck immortalized into a sketch i get down on my knees in hopes that father sees cause the pills he gives me fill the hole in me fill the hole in me they fill the hole in me
4.
son of a cop 02:46
hear me out will you please you don't know me wait with friends and stay out late they knew my favorite hiding place yr the son of a cop you've got feelings that you're not let it fester let it grow let it feast upon your soul dropping acid in the woods i knew i shouldn't but i could i'd get away on a second chance holding on and looking back floating through your memory passerby just let it be we sit and wait for the sun i promise you're the only one yr the son of a cop you've got feelings that you're not let it fester let it grow let it feast let it go
5.
i've made my decision and i've came to confess nothing will haunt me i have no regrets "he's just a kid fully grown" he says he'll join up with you "i will do what i want to" "there's nothing we could do" "who are you?" angry monster criminal they say he's just a kid with broken dreams and broken promises and that's all he ever did he's quiet in his cell he says a prayer all alone "i don't have the tongue for it hey satan, drive me home" (who are you? i am new and i've tried my best and i'll try not to die on the inside when they lay you down to rest)
6.
Ithica 2007 04:00
run around the fields and learn not to feel yell into the woods yeah, i'd live here if i could I broke my hand for fun as we laid out in the sun I stole my papi's gun we're playing in the blood stay after the ring cause kids becoming mean they fight over tv screen it's the best i've ever seen and she say "do no harm" as she carves into your arm "don't twist so much I'll kill you if i want to" and the gasoline fumes in the parking lot gave me headaches that i never forgot I refuse to stand in line if you see me in hell i'm sure i'll see you in mine she gets what she wants she takes another shot she lives in the house of god and she's spoiling the rod take what you need and i'll go back to sleep so i can rest in peace with all the birds i feed draw circles in the sand press my face into your lap draw starts into my head and forget how it began the only one i trust is tearing out my guts we smoke and then we fuck then we crawl into the mud and the gasoline fumes in the parking lot gave me memories that i never forgot i refuse to stand in line if you see me in hell i'm sure i'll see you in mine.
7.
2 05:56
(one more time) god only knows i'll leave a note tiny wrists little slits evil tides tied to easy lies a fake prophecy, i guess we'll see "i want you two" winding down falling out whispered prayer through beautiful hair soft as snow you would know what happened to you (no clue) "i want you to..." beaten down into leaving town on your own just skin and bone you. get. sick. and. you. regret. i bet my peace and play for keeps "i want you too" i understand
8.
for amy 07:58
i walked down the street the other night toward a bridge at the end of the road that i live on toward a bridge at the end of the road that i live on it's an exit for the highway (suspended above it) and i like to go there to be alone i like to watch the cars go past at 70 miles per hour (70 mph) through a chain link fence and sometimes it feels like i'm watching tv only i feel the wind on my face and smell the air and watch the cars go past it's like i'm watching tv and sometimes i feel so guilty i mean how can get this much joy how do i earn this much joy get this much joy out of something so simple so simple so much joy and i need to remind i need to remind myself i'm actually here i'm really here i'm actually here i've done a lotta bad things the most important thing is to forgive and i hope you see angels when you dream
9.
I live alone in a 10 by 10 foot home i have no needs i just have my dreams of meeting a man who is twice the man i am who feeds me pills and doesn't care for pain and i wanna dance fall in love into your lap and key your car and become a star cause my father grew up living on homeless shelter luck he said i know i know i know i know simple cuts send mickey all my love mickey rides home and runs through my yard he meets my dog and sleeps in my house i love him more than i ever have i watch him sleep and eat my cat he doesn't speak he just spits words through his teeth "i don't need help i need clarity" but i wonder if he knows he's got a special spot in my soul i think he hates me i think i love him... too... simple cuts send mickey all my love (intermission) he say i could be a star in momentary dissonance serendipity crossbreeding his clarity revealed through exodus i do not exist punctuated by phantoms hauntings, rather i've lost 10 pounds in a week ascetic anxiety soot coated lungs inhale smoke exhale dust the spirit of the beast lies here with me 2 way i am a calloused work of marble and flesh shaped like the mountains with rivers of gas clutch. drink. waver. sun. he's got a 12 gauge in his trunk... i will become and i will become greater than i was and i will regret everything that i forget and i will become greater than i was and i will become better than i was and i will move you won't see my second sun and i won't forget everything that you said and i will regret everything i forget i promise i won't forget i promise i won't forget a promise i won't forget i love you i won't forget i love you i won't forget i love you i won't regret.

about

it's sorta like a dream or a memory.
written over the course of a year and a half
i hope everyone enjoys it.
if you didn't send me a message and tell me why.
love y'all

credits

released December 2, 2016

Music written and recorded by sam starks

thank you to sam for doing a killer job for the drums on mickey.
thank you to josh for doing the bass on city blend and ithica and for being there all the time
great big thank you to teddy for being an incredible vocalist on 2
thank you to matias and harry for giving me practical advice and inspiring me to strive for harder things all the time

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about

Disassociate me East Lansing, Michigan

I'm sam from lansing and i want to sound like the feeling of forgiveness in the wake of trauma.

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