nowhere

by disassociate me

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04:02
2.
05:31
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04:09
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02:46
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04:00
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05:56
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07:58
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about

it's sorta like a dream or a memory.
written over the course of a year and a half
i hope everyone enjoys it.
if you didn't send me a message and tell me why.
love y'all

credits

released December 2, 2016

Music written and recorded by sam starks

thank you to sam for doing a killer job for the drums on mickey.
thank you to josh for doing the bass on city blend and ithica and for being there all the time
great big thank you to teddy for being an incredible vocalist on 2
thank you to matias and harry for giving me practical advice and inspiring me to strive for harder things all the time

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Disassociate me East Lansing, Michigan

I'm sam from lansing and i want to sound like the feeling of forgiveness in the wake of trauma.

contact / help

Contact Disassociate me

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Track Name: Phantasy
singled out
i found my life winding down
into an anti climactic cough

my drug use
was it me who was abused
you said you get it
it must be rough

the drawings on my hands
the billowing flames lit up the sand
you said we will stay in touch

but fantasy watches over me
fantasy washes over me
fantasy has buried my body
fantasy

notebooks astray
filled with empty angry days
we'll save it for another day

wasting hours
is what gives us power
lock your feelings into a cage

it's something i can't take
said your memoirs filled with hate
but i don't think i'll turn the page

fantasy has washes over me
fantasy has destroyed me
fantasy has ended me
fantasy has buried my body
fantasy
Track Name: city blend
I've been waiting hours just for the light to break on through
so i can pass out on the ground for a year or 2
I'll meet you on the parking ramp so you can say what you wanted to say
but i hope you realize that it'll all just fade away

we're the best around
we're the best you've got
and we'll still be here
even when you've moved on
they call us city blend

i am starting to feel like death cause i've been awake for a week
my eyes are red and my throat is numb and i can barely speak
fixated on the tv screen my brain's about to crack
the longer you've been down this road the harder it is to turn back

we're the best around
we're the best you got
and we'll still be here
even when you've moved on
they call us city blend

all i want's a big house some wine and some cigarettes
but i guess this overpass is as good as it's gonna get
cause who wants anything when nothing is right here
all your pain and all your joy fades to nothing left to fear

we're the best around
we're the best you've got
and we'll still be here
even when you've moved on
they call us city blend
Track Name: 13
everyone's a no one in yr head
everyone in your heart is already dead
unparalled unhappiness
if you can't save them
then you can't save this

i guess it's okay
and i guess it's alright
she said it's okay so i guess i just might
move on slowly into the night
and lay down and hope that death hits me right

disgusting mobs with no end
no parallels and no friends
at some point you're gonna have to face you're pain
cause prayer won't jumpstart life again

I hit your mouth
and i kiss your neck
immortalized into a sketch
i get down on my knees in hopes that father sees
cause the pills
he gives me
fill the hole
in me
fill the hole in me
they fill the hole in me
Track Name: son of a cop
hear me out
will you please
you don't know me

wait with friends and stay out late
they knew my favorite hiding place

yr the son of a cop
you've got feelings that you're not
let it fester
let it grow
let it feast upon your soul

dropping acid in the woods
i knew i shouldn't
but i could
i'd get away on a second chance
holding on and looking back
floating through your memory
passerby just let it be

we sit and wait for the sun
i promise you're the only one

yr the son of a cop
you've got feelings that you're not
let it fester
let it grow
let it feast
let it go
Track Name: satan drive me home
i've made my decision
and i've came to confess
nothing
will haunt me
i have no regrets

"he's just a kid
fully grown"
he says he'll join up with you
"i will do what i want to"
"there's nothing we could do"

"who are you?"

angry
monster
criminal
they say he's just a kid
with broken dreams
and broken promises
and that's all he ever did

he's quiet in his cell
he says a prayer
all alone

"i don't have the tongue for it
hey satan, drive me home"

(who are you?
i am new
and i've tried my best
and i'll try
not to die on the inside
when they lay you down to rest)
Track Name: Ithica 2007
run around the fields
and learn not to feel
yell into the woods
yeah, i'd live here if i could

I broke my hand for fun
as we laid out in the sun
I stole my papi's gun
we're playing in the blood

stay after the ring
cause kids becoming mean
they fight over tv screen
it's the best i've ever seen

and she say "do no harm"
as she carves into your arm
"don't twist so much
I'll kill you if i want to"

and the gasoline fumes in the parking lot
gave me headaches that i never forgot
I refuse to stand in line
if you see me in hell
i'm sure i'll see you in mine

she gets what she wants
she takes another shot
she lives in the house of god
and she's spoiling the rod

take what you need
and i'll go back to sleep
so i can rest in peace
with all the birds i feed

draw circles in the sand
press my face into your lap
draw starts into my head
and forget how it began

the only one i trust
is tearing out my guts
we smoke and then we fuck
then we crawl into the mud

and the gasoline fumes in the parking lot
gave me memories that i never forgot
i refuse to stand in line
if you see me in hell
i'm sure i'll see you in mine.
Track Name: 2
(one more time)

god only knows i'll leave a note
tiny wrists little slits
evil tides tied to easy lies
a fake prophecy, i guess we'll see

"i want you two"

winding down falling out
whispered prayer through beautiful hair
soft as snow you would know
what happened to you (no clue)

"i want you to..."

beaten down into leaving town
on your own just skin and bone
you. get. sick. and. you. regret.
i bet my peace and play for keeps

"i want you too"

i understand
Track Name: for amy
i walked down the street the other night toward a bridge at the end of the road that i live on toward a bridge at the end of the road that i live on it's an exit for the highway (suspended above it) and i like to go there to be alone i like to watch the cars go past at 70 miles per hour (70 mph) through a chain link fence and sometimes it feels like i'm watching tv only i feel the wind on my face and smell the air and watch the cars go past it's like i'm watching tv and sometimes i feel so guilty i mean how can get this much joy how do i earn this much joy get this much joy out of something so simple so simple so much joy and i need to remind i need to remind myself
i'm actually here
i'm really here
i'm actually here
i've done a lotta bad things
the most important thing is to forgive
and i hope you see angels when you dream
Track Name: mickey/epilogue
I live alone
in a 10 by 10 foot home
i have no needs
i just have my dreams
of meeting a man
who is twice the man i am
who feeds me pills
and doesn't care for pain
and i wanna dance
fall in love into your lap
and key your car
and become a star
cause my father grew up
living on homeless shelter luck
he said i know i know i know i know

simple cuts
send mickey all my love

mickey rides home
and runs through my yard
he meets my dog
and sleeps in my house
i love him more than i ever have
i watch him sleep
and eat my cat
he doesn't speak
he just spits words through his teeth
"i don't need help
i need clarity"
but i wonder if he knows
he's got a special spot
in my soul
i think he hates me
i think i love him...
too...

simple cuts
send mickey all my love

(intermission)

he say i could be a star
in momentary dissonance
serendipity
crossbreeding his clarity
revealed through exodus
i do not exist
punctuated
by phantoms
hauntings, rather
i've lost 10 pounds in a week
ascetic anxiety
soot coated lungs
inhale smoke
exhale dust
the spirit of the beast
lies here with me
2 way
i am a calloused work
of marble and flesh
shaped like the mountains
with rivers of gas
clutch.
drink.
waver.
sun.
he's got a 12 gauge in his trunk...
i will become
and i will become
greater than i was
and i will regret
everything that i forget
and i will become
greater than i was
and i will become
better than i was
and i will move
you won't see my second sun
and i won't forget
everything that you said
and i will regret
everything i forget
i promise i won't forget
i promise i won't forget
a promise i won't forget
i love you i won't forget
i love you i won't forget
i love you i won't regret.