by Disassociate me

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i did this album a while ago
everything was recorded on a couple phones
in my mind they're all just demos


released August 9, 2014

a lot of people gave me a lot of emotional support for this, and still reaffirm that it's good, even though i have hesitations about it. specifically:

josh starks
matias brimmer
harrison crane
simon sprauge
sam sprauge
and max hagerstrom

thanks guys <3



all rights reserved


Disassociate me East Lansing, Michigan

I'm sam from lansing and i want to sound like the feeling of forgiveness in the wake of trauma.

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Track Name: in yr glance i felt the weight of the air
they say home is where the heart is
but i lose it all the time
i am more nervous than i'm willing to admit
and i guess that just makes us alike

please god fade away my sight
it only reflects what i despise
and i toss and turn at night
because my dreams are haunted by yr stupid fucking eyes

but i'll try not to be so blue

i saw you sitting on a hill
with a cigarette in your hand
getting fucking sick of all the cheap thrills
and nothing ever ending as planned

anxious and alone
clutching to your telephone
knowing that you have to atone
but laughing because you know you won't
Track Name: windchill
skip this song
Track Name: call me when summer ends
call me when summer ends
cause i'll be waiting here with my only friends

the kids have said that i don't belong
and i'm not worthy of their shitty songs
but one day i'll kill their love
and hang it from the rafters above

call me when summer ends
i'll be waiting hear on the other end

come on will you hear my pleas
i'll probably die if you have to leave
and i'm sure you must think i've grown
but i haven't learned a thing from being alone

(spur of the moment vocalization)
call me when summer ends
i'll be waiting here with my only friends
i ain't got nothing that i need to attend to
i'll be here
i'll be here
on the other end
Track Name: like a wound
she gave me a smile across the river, across the sea
so i guess this sentiment must be burried too deep
it fills the hole in my heart up to the brim
and it'll arrogantly say hello and goodbye again
it shakes and rattles the blood inside your bones
a sacred and possessed destruction of the soul
but it'll all fall back in place and we'll say it's all the same
and we'll put band-aids on our skin to cover up the shame

please god say that you got my call
cause the fifth don't want you anymore

i want to speak and yell and fuck
but all this has been much too much

if i even started the race
the first steps would just break my legs
and they did
oh they did

i suspect that you're the catalyst
even though you said you were the masochist
did you think that i wanted this
and i can only guess

you were the catalyst
but i aint the sadist
do you think that i wanted this
i guess i'm just left here with my guesses

like a wound
like it should

okay cool
Track Name: city blend
i've been waiting hours just for the light to break on through
so i can pass out on the ground for a year or two
i'll meet you on the parking ramp so you can say what you wanted to say
but i hope you realize that it'll all just fade away

we're the best around
we're the best you got
and we'll still be here
even when you've moved on
they call us city blend

I am starting to feel like death cause i've been awake for a week
my eyes are red and my throat is numb and i can barely speak
fixated on the tv screen my brain's about to crack
the longer you've been down this road the harder it is to turn back

we're the best around
we're the best you got
and we'll still be here
even when you've moved on
they call us city blend

all i want's a big house some wine and some cigarettes
but i guess this overpass is as good as it's gonna get
cause who wants anything when nothing is right here
all the pain and all the joy fades to nothing left to fear

we're the best around
we're the best you got
and we'll still be here
even when you've moved on
they call us city blend
Track Name: don't waste yr time
it's just a habit
a bad addiction
that leaves good feelings
but no emotion

the idea that i've been here before
but nothing seems the same
when i get back

the white washed walls are turning black
the hallway leads to a heart attack
i don't care
but i'll try

comfort of a kid in a grateful home
comfort of for the kid growing up alone
comfort of being yourself around the ones you love

silent pain and a lovely rain
that leaves you broken but new again
keep telling yourself
that you'll be okay

it's been a long time and boring time
to lose the shell of my shallow mind
to the shotgun shell of my boring past
nothing was ever meant to last

you said goodbye
i don't ask why
you say don't even try
and don't waste my time
Track Name: the end.
anxious motions spawn from the absent theft of dreams, produced a worry (ethereal) thought of no matter no mind, no kind. thoughts avoid this empty vessel. no one wanted to listen to the unreal reality. facade of life. lived so unquestioningly in fear of being fortune forgotten abandon with all my friends waited on. as i became a ghost. a ghost of what i once was and will become. a bad dream. tell me it's a bad dream. tell me it's a bad dream. cause i'm tired of living desire of living how i wanna live. i wanna grow up but i never wanna stop reliving in the past. it's just a trance got me stuck in a loop it was. it was too easy to look back. i saw the happiest even though i was the saddest. I'll reduce it into one moment one day while i mumble out what i couldn't say at objects that mean little to me as i lose what's left of my sanity. what a waste, what a bounty, what a waste of time, what a waste of the best years of my life. surrounding thoughts that had to resonate the feeble minds the generation left behind in selfish pursuit of money and fame. try to convince me the name of the game. resentment and angst are my washed up way of mocking myself as i try to play the chords that i'll never recreate in the panic attack. I bet your family is disappointed in you but imagine if they had to deal with me. I mean the things that don't really exist and searching for the meaning of it step on me. step on me cause everyone does and i'll let you if it'll make you smile.

lose feelings to pass. thank you for the effort the mature ones still don't get it though. and the kids, who fall right past, believing in nothing, because nothing is what lasts. what do you dream? do you see your friends? everything past to no ends, still no ends. those left sinking in the waking sea forget nothing, cause everything is nothing of what's seen.
ah to be young again
and then to waste away
in time enough at last
let's inhale our sex
let's make new music, cause we're not afraid anymore of the
solid noise in the back corner reaches. everything you love leaves in the end. i'll stop loving everything so i can never be lonely. you see that kid? see that kid? that kid stares deep pissin' on everything i know and love, with eyes so vacant, oppressive, mean-spirited and dominant. wanting selfish sacrifice of the cold breathes from the bones. no soul in this deep web. in heart for validation. in heart for friends. cause i just don't get it. and i don't want to. i don't understand because if i understood, i'd be in pain and i wouldn't care. and i don't care. i only care cause i can't get loose from the ones i love. there's only success now. and i can't do that cause i'm barely hear as it is. i have no money, i have no good looks, i only have bullies in my mind. directly into the camera. no smiles/no heart. no soul. sold it for a cheated pain. that's okay. i'm okay. tell me i'm okay. tell me about a nightmare soul that levitated out of the blue.

the days turn sour, the weeks rot off. the soul in the other room is resisting temptation by noise. our inner angels in shackles by boulders of my mind. tried to be good but it's so easy being said in the end of time. hours of pointless lust because reality is turning us. as we circle ourselves in blank minds, wrestling true love in a blank stare. oh god it's more than i hoped for and more than we asked. drifting towards better times with endless bummer dreams. shattered on the ground. controling the endless forces of the backyard sky. you know heart and soul isn't enough to take it in. color fades to grey fades to color again. at the holds of emotion with no emotion. no toll, just another next love. next to nothing which is most things, inspired by death dragging on with life. because a memory dissolves like madmen. and all my friends are out with temptation and satan's here by my side. my peers don't get me and i barely get myself, a teenager with nothing to give. another year is dead and gone, and i'm overjoyed that it is done. i hated it it hated me, but i'm glad that you were here to see,
my wasted days
my wasted time
my wasted kids
in a wasted life